


In Your Eyes

by 777LLL



Series: Going Nowhere [1]
Category: Last Shadow Puppets
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sickfic, because there’s never enough of that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:34:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28906440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/777LLL/pseuds/777LLL
Summary: The warmth of Miles’ cheek sinking through the fabric and onto his thigh, the small wavy motions of Miles’ spine as he breathed, and the high-pitched noises he made to each plot twist as the story went on…those were what Alex would think of if he ever tried to endow happiness with palpable features. They were part of what he had left behind, or dared he say, had hidden from when he decided to move to a different continent not so long ago. Things were different back then, and now they were a bit different – in this case mainly him, if Alex was honest with himself.
Relationships: Miles Kane/Alex Turner
Series: Going Nowhere [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2119998
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	In Your Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Not real, but I want some domestic fluffy

In Your Eyes

Miles opened the door before he had the chance to knock the second time. Alex would leap inside for a hug, if he hadn’t been soaked to the bone. He hesitated on the doorstep, his life packed in a drenched duffel bag, and waited for Miles to speak first.

“Why did you knock, you mad man? You’ve got a key to your own door.” Miles smiled his signature smile. Alex listened to his voice, silvery and divine, washing through his body like warm water. He didn’t realize how bad he had missed Miles until this moment.

“I couldn’t find it. Didn’t want to miss my flight.” The answer eventually crept out of his sore throat. Alex winced as worry flooded Miles’ eyes. “I’m glad you’re home.”

Miles frowned. When he spoke, his tone was gentle and fond. “I knew you were coming, didn’t I?” Walking out himself, he wrapped both arms around Alex, squeezing him briefly. Miles was in his sleepwear, which meant he only had a thin layer of cotton short-sleeve shirt and pants on. Alex knew he’d get wet from the hug but couldn’t help holding onto him for just one second longer.

They moved inside. Miles had kept his flat neat and clean, Alex found. There was a new batman door mat Miles got for him, which he’s now ruining with muddy boots. Alex kept his eyes on the floor, but he couldn’t shy away from the next question.

“Does anyone else know you’re here, Al?” Miles asked, keeping a hand on his shoulder.

Alex took off the other shoe, then his damp socks. “No,” there’s no point lying to Miles. He didn’t feel the need to, either. He wanted to add more, but a sneeze conquered him, leaving him shiver afterwards. Miles shook his head.

“Bathroom, now.” he grabbed Alex on the forearm, as if holding onto a rudder to steer Alex away from the chill he was doomed to catch. Miles left him there. If would be a lie to say that Alex didn’t think about asking him to stay. But once the door was fully closed, he was grateful to be on his own, knowing that Miles was just outside in the living room, instead of being an ocean away.

When the vapour filled the tiny room, Alex felt slightly giddy from inhaling too much moisture. He washed his hair automatically, and then his body. A long flight after a long drive could be exhausting on days when he had looked forward to the travel and suffocating on a day like today. Alex can feel a bad headache slowly developing underneath his skull. Despite the anticipation for a painful, restless night, when he walked out and saw Miles on the sofa, Alex reckoned he had made the right decision to come back here, afternoon.

Miles made him tea. The drink was just hot enough to stimulate his lips, but not to burn his tongue. “Matt just called,” said Miles after his second sip. “He was asking whether I’d seen you.”

“What did you tell him?” Alex asked warily.

“I said you might be in Milan because you texted me about the weather forecast for the city of this week.”

“But I didn’t.”

“Of course you didn’t. I looked it up, was thinking about going myself the other day.” Miles grinned. He was on Alex’s side, the same as during those many times he came up with hilarious excuses for Alex’s late arrival. Alex put his cup back on the side table, breaking the eye contact.

“Do you think-”

“Oh, trust me, he totally bought it.”

“You sure…well, never mind.” Alex stopped himself. He was careful not to press on certain promises, since they weren’t what he really cared about. There was more comfort in Miles’ presence than he could ask for, in the end.

Another shiver ran down his spine.

Miles moved closer and nudged him in the ribs. He blew out a chuckle, “It’s almost summertime and you’re coming down with a cold.”

Weakly Alex defended himself, “It was cold on the plane.”

“Could’ve asked for a blanket, you know.”

There was a tentative exploration in his brain coming from Miles, Alex could sense. He gave the brutally honest answer. “I…er, didn’t feel like talking.”

Miles hummed, and no more questions. One might say his reaction was too cold, that he was rudely indifferent as a friend. Surprisingly, that was how Miles handled him from the very beginning. Maybe he didn’t understand the complicated, strange mechanism that had Alex all tangled up in his own brain, but he understood Alex and how Alex functioned. It was late at night. Alex had texted him after he landed in Heathrow, so Miles waited for his arrival. He lied to Alex’s bandmates, and now he was telling funny anecdotes he heard from his own gang. Alex didn’t have to make a sound.

Soon his eyelids began to feel like lead. Alex rested his head on Miles’ shoulder. Miles took the chance to remove the dripping hair from his nape, twisting them into a ball.

“Why don’t you get some sleep, Al?” he suggested, “Let me dry your hair first.”

Then Miles did. He got a basic blow drier thrown on the nightstand, and he ran his fingers through Alex’s hair as hot air blew through it. This felt so very different from the service he’d receive in any fancy salon, as Alex came to realize Miles had made sure that he had no power over him, hence Alex felt weirdly safe in his hands. After he’s done, Miles brushed away the curled strands to the side and replaced them with his palm, measuring Alex’s pulse and temperature at the same time.

Alex fought to keep his eyes open. But he remembered to tell Miles, “You’d make a brilliant hairdresser, Miles.”

“Don’t get too used to it, la.” Miles stretched his arm out for the light switch. He didn’t leave the bed, nor did he show any intention to lie down with Alex. He gave Alex a smile before the room went dark. “Have some rest, Alex.” Then he patted the pillow, letting his exact location be known to Alex.

Alex remembered reaching for his hand, but he wasn’t sure if he had made it before sleep suddenly overtook him.

+

He woke up with a stuffy nose and a pounding head, nothing unexpected. There was light peeking in the bedroom from behind the curtain. With its help, he counted out the few things that declared Miles had been sleeping in his bedroom – his books were moved onto the little shelf by the window. A used coffee mug with cartoon monsters was lying on the floor, right next to Miles’ acoustic guitar. A pair of socks was hung on the bathroom door. They were neon orange in colour.

The door cracked open, and Miles caught him staring. “Stop judging me socks, Al.” He complained, letting the smell of coffee and sound of music sneak inside. “How’re you feeling?”

“…been better.” Alex replied in a croaky voice. It was definitely painful to listen to, from what he gathered on Miles’ face.

“I made us breakfast.” Miles watched sympathetically as Alex got off bed on wobbly legs. “Can’t find cold medicine anywhere. I’m gonna go buy some after we eat, okay?”

“Sounds good.” Alex followed him to the kitchen. He didn’t have much appetite, but he could really use a coffee.

“Just good? Who spoiled you when I was not around, hum?” Miles shoved a steaming mug into his hand, eyes rolling up. Alex gave a shivery shrug and settled down on the seat. The coffee was made the way he liked, two sugars, no milk, with a sprinkle of cinnamon powder. Miles served him scrambled eggs and porridge. He had bacon and beans on toast, instead.

Alex figured Miles probably had plans for today. It was Friday - usually Miles kept himself busy on Fridays. “What? You’re me top plan, Al, come on.” Miles shushed him immediately when Alex opened his mouth to argue. “I don’t have much to do until next month. Told you I was considering a holiday, alright?”

That was indeed what he said. Alex wondered if Miles for real expected him to buy the same shit as Matt did. Eventually, Alex swallowed any further argument, for there was just Miles and when it’s Miles who decided to waste more than enough time on him, Alex barely felt half as bad as he should.

They ate in silence. Miles occasionally checked his phone and Alex kept his gaze on his bowl. The sunlight penetrated the smoke tinted air, landing on his spoon. Alex watched his own reflection, hoping without the distortion, in reality he’d look less ghost-like.

“You want anything else? Cough syrup? Snacks? Flowers maybe?” Miles asked as he took the bowl from Alex. It was still half full.

Alex waved him off. “Piss off, will you?” he managed to feel slightly embarrassed. The undertone of impatience in his tired voice somehow made Miles’ eye glint. He slipped into a leather jacket that suspiciously looked something that was in Alex’s closet, grinning from ear to ear.

“Be back in a minute, Al.” Miles said, and Alex wished he would.

+

He slept most of the morning. Miles woke him up once and coaxed him into drinking some orange juice. The pills made Alex dozy and therefore docile. He let Miles take his temperature, this time with a real thermometer. “Looks like you’ll be fine.” Miles checked the numbers, relieved, breathing out deeply. “Want me to wake you up for lunch?”

Alex shook his head and immediately regretted the decision. Miles gave him a pitiful look, easing him back down. He tugged the few stray hair behind Alex’s ear, gently scratching his scalp. Alex closed his eyes, a whimper on the tip of his tongue. He awfully preferred Miles’ body temperature over the cool, quiet air in the bedroom.

Miles inquired, “You mind if I stay?” The question, so deliberately made dumb, had Alex squint at him, lips in a thin line.

He answered by rolling over to the other side of the bed. Miles creaked; his voice was kept low. “You’re grumpy when you’re ill, you know.” The mattress dipped under his weight. Miles settled against the headboard. The heat emanated from his skin transformed the unappealing stillness in the atmosphere, changing it into something comforting and healing. Alex hadn’t yet figured out how he managed to do that.

“I’m not-” His grumble turned into a soft moan when Miles’ hand suddenly returned, massaging his temple gently. He felt his face burning up for a different reason. Miles didn’t seem to pay much attention when Alex shifted back and laid right next to him, facing the ceiling. His fingers danced to the top of Alex’s head, putting the right amount of pressure there.

“So why you’re here?” Miles asked, eyes leaving his phone briefly to confirm that Alex was still awake.

He was not prepared for the question to strike so casually. Honestly, it wasn’t because of anything in particular – they had just toured the states, nailed every single performance despite the overwhelming schedule. The crew had grown to a size where he struggled to keep up with the names, and it was at a point where he still needed to get familiarized with more people from work. Europe dates started in three weeks. He had unwanted interviews to attend. His email inbox and text messages were overflowing with invitations to dinner parties and events for almost every single day before that. It ultimately brought him to the backdoor of some beautiful country house - he didn’t remember the name of its owner, or the way back to his own place. He had to run away from the feeling of losing control of certain parts of his life, and for him there was only one place to go…

Alex only realized he had mused out loud when Miles slid down on the other pillow, head tilted to his direction, listening attentively.

“I missed you, Al.” he started, out of nowhere. Miles said with a guilty smile, “I wish I could see you more often. It’s difficult when you’re on the other side of the world, you know what I mean?”

Alex understood it painfully well. He got weak in the heat of the moment, and blurted out, “I shouldn’t have moved-”

“Don’t be silly,” Miles interrupted him, pulling the thin blanket up to cover Alex’s chest and neck. He motioned Alex to go back to sleep. “I’m also glad you’re home.”

+

They had early dinner while watching Batman & Robin. Miles ordered Italian takeout with a bottle of red wine, although all Alex could drink was lemonade. Halfway through the film, Miles laid down and placed his head on Alex’s lap. He didn’t stir when Alex went rigid under the weight, and barely flinched when Alex put his cold fingers on the back of his neck.

The warmth of Miles’ cheek sinking through the fabric and onto his thigh, the small wavy motions of Miles’ spine as he breathed, and the high-pitched noises he made to each plot twist as the story went on…those were what Alex would think of if he ever tried to endow happiness with palpable features. They were part of what he had left behind, or dared he say, had hidden from when he decided to move to a different continent not so long ago. Things were different back then, and now they were a bit different – in this case mainly him, if Alex was honest with himself.

“Miles,” he began, not sure where he was heading to. “Miles, are you there?”

“What kind of question is that? I’m right here.” Miles inclined backwards, looking directly into his eyes. He pinched his own cheek, baring his crooked teeth with a smirk. “See, in the flesh. All real.”

“I think,” Alex fell silent, then spoke in a different tone, one that almost dried out with panic and grievance. “I think we should fuck.”

Miles gasped, glaring at him incredulously. “What?”

A burning shame welled up and choked him. He kind of hoped he could rewind the time and slap himself into unconsciousness. “Sorry,” Alex wiped his eyes with the heel of his hands. He could feel Miles rising up, putting some distance between them. Then he heard a thump and there was the familiar touch of Miles’ hands on his wrists, moving his arms away. “Al, Alex…Hey, look at me.” Miles stood in front of him. His voice was a bit muted, as if the air had gotten too thick for sound to travel through. He looked at Alex with sad, understanding eyes, and one side of his mouth twitched nervously. “We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with, you know that, right?”

The seriousness in his careful words made Alex feel taunted, exposed and weakened. He snapped, as a stupid way to arm himself, “I’m sorry, but I just fucking asked for it, didn’t I?”

“Well,” Miles let him go. Alex threw his head back, heaving wearily as Miles took another step away from him. “Let’s not do something I’m not comfortable with then.”

Alex blinked and found Miles was still smiling, in a dry, tasteless way. It was impossible to not feel rejected and unwanted, especially when he was tired and sick and deprived of Miles’ touch – in a friendly way or any other ways, he could no longer care too much. Miles observed him from where he was, almost a full meter away from him, too damn far for Alex to bear. The scrutinization was dragged out to what felt like an eternity and Alex started to be aware of a nagging ache in his head and neck. He wanted to hide again.

“Can you promise,” Miles said with a slow exhalation. He was suddenly closer, much closer, and Alex could easily hold his trembling hands. “No, you know what? Don’t disappear in the morning, alright? Don’t you do that to me ever again.”

“That was a lifetime ago,” Alex grimaced. He’d almost forgotten that happened before, and he was certainly not proud to admit it out loud. “I’m fucking sorry, Miles. I’m sorry that I-”

He felt angrily frustrated lips over his, silencing him with a brutal bite. Miles’ ring dug into his shoulder so hard that it stung through the layer of cotton. A pained groan was pushed back into his mouth, so were the uncalled-for apologies. Miles broke the kiss for a second, searching for his eyes, and Alex found he looked much more alive in the warm colour of his irises.

Miles kissed him again, this time gentle and slow.

“Will you play me something on the guitar then?” Alex asked when they parted. That was what his heart desired, once it wandered back from the stray. Miles let out a surprised laugh, knitting his eyebrows. He looked Alex straight in the face, all the way to the deserted corners of his soul. His eyes were open, bright and unafraid. Miles smiled at him and what could Alex possibly do other than staying, trying his best not to hide from him, not at this moment?

“Yes, Alex.” Miles said. “I think I should.”


End file.
